Chapter 8.3: Moving (on)

I moved.

It's exhausting as all hell and extremely taxing on myself. Moving while during a pandemic doubles that exhaustion. I do appreciate the help that I’ve gotten from friends and family. Though I’ll definitely be looking at movers if I’d ever do it again.

I’m still picking up the pieces of this new place. These last couple of months were me going through and reporting issues with the place. Then waiting for the tradesmen to come and fix these issues. After months of fixing, I finally can say now that I’ve moved in. 

Just don’t ask me about the furniture just yet, it’s definitely not complete.

_______

I’m glad I moved. There were issues surrounding the place that I used to occupy, some physical, but more so realizing that it’s never complete to move (on) without moving. Memories, or the fact that I stare out that window and realize that some buildings at the balcony I’d never want to see again.

Realistically, the biggest thing going for it was that it was dirt cheap and came with the parking spot. I was thankful for it, but eventually the cons outgrew the pros.

I needed to get out of there.

________

Getting hit by a car wasn’t really on my to-do-list this year, yet I did check it off. I certainly didn’t want it to happen, and realizing the limitations of the insurance system made me shake my head in disgust. Note: you don’t have more protection as a pedestrian vs being in a car-to-car accident. The protections are the same, it’s infuriating.

Yet I took my lumps and moved on.

________

Chapter 8.2: Anxiety

Anxiety.

I stopped my Instagram this year. Truth is, I didn't want to check up on people. I keep thinking if this is me running away in the umpteenth time. Yet, I know, if I didn't stop... the anxiety will creep up again.

This year, the first half of the year, I experienced insomnia for the second time. It was sobering, I honestly didn't think I would be suffering from that level of anxiety, all over well... things. First time was I had an interview the next day back when I first started looking for jobs.

This time though, it was completely different, I couldn't sleep for 2 days. I was getting worried, friends were getting worried.

[ When I told you I didn't experience the anxiety, I truthfully didn't. It did come quickly after. ]

______

For the next couple of months, I did a lot of mental exercises and focusing on the meditation, and reading up on books.

Specifically, the book on attachment theory was a great wake up call. Learnt a lot about the different stages and perspectives on people. Learnt about why people are the way they are, the cyclical cycle of avoidants and anxious personalities. What was toxic and what needed to be different.

Subreddits helped, looking at other people going through the same thing. It is helpful to know that you’re not alone.

______

“But you have to let the people you love know that you love them, even if it causes you a great deal of pain.”

- (Sex Education / Episode 8)

Chapter 8.1: Song

This year, I found a song that's... closer to the heart.

From Chapter 1... to now.

Older - Sasha Alex Sloan

The older I get, the more that I see

My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me

And loving is hard, it don't always work

You just try your best not to get hurt

I used to be mad but now I know

Sometimes it's better to let someone go

It just hadn't hit me yet

The older I get

I'm at that point where I understood why it happened.

That realization certainly hit me like a truck revisiting my relationships.

Bench

When he walked past them, their backs were turned against each other on the bench.

It was as if they were talking to imaginary people on either side. 

They weren’t talking, yet their expressions said everything. 

He sat down near them, purely out of necessity. There weren’t any other available benches to sit on. All of them were taken up by people wanting to enjoy the sun out. He needed somewhere to sit down and enjoy his bubble tea on the lake.

They turned to face each other. The boy started to communicate, to talk. More than his words his palms were open, waving ever so slightly. The girl listened, a pained expression on her. 

They were briefly interrupted by the commotion caused by one of the units with the low balcony nearby. Seems like everyone has invited everyone to come enjoy the weekend.

Minutes later, the girl rested her head on the boys shoulder. 

The boy wiped something from the corner of his eye. 

He got up and walked past them again, both of their eyes were red.

Playlist/播放列表: 5 Stages - Depression

Edit 7/17:

Added someone I found recently, JP Saxe.

Depression (沮丧)
Won't Even Start - David Choi
渐渐 - 赵薇
搞笑 - 罗志祥
Wish You Were Here - Avril Lavigne
失忆的金鱼 - 杨丞琳
Happier - Ed Sheeran
就让这首歌 - 张震岳
冰雨 - 刘德华
眼泪的名字 - 谢安琪
Consequences - Camila Cabello
참 쓰다 - Lee Ming Jung

A Little Bit Yours - JP Saxe

Everyone feels sad in their own way.
In that sense, you tend to gravitate to the songs that speak to you.

Youtube Playlist