Wednesday, February 12, 2020

This is... Selena Gomez

I love artists when they bear their heart and soul out.

The on and off, Ross and Rachel of the pop world, Justin and Selena.

"In time, ink lines
Bitches couldn't get on my incline
World tours, it's mine
Ten little letters on a big sign
Justin Bieber
You know I'mma hit 'em with the ether
Buns out, weiner
But I gotta keep an eye out for Selener" - Beauty and a Beat ft. Nicki Minaj.

That was Nicki Minaj rapping in a Justin song, no doubt it was well known that this was going on.
Subsequently, songs like "Sorry" and "What Do You Mean" are all reflections on what is happening at that point.

Selena did release songs.
Her album Revival in 2015 did not have any songs that addresses Justin specifically (maybe Same Old Love?).
She continued to release singles that are collaborations with other artists throughout the years.

Then in 2018, it was reported that they split in March.
6 months later, Justin and Hailey Baldwin obtained a marriage license.
Selena laid low for that year, one song "Back to You" from 13 Reasons Why.

She returned in 2019.
The first single off her 2020 album Rare, released October 23rd 2019...

Lose You To Love Me

"I gave my all and they all know it
Then you tore me down and now it's showing
In two months, you replaced us
Like it was easy
Made me think I deserved it
In the thick of healing, yeah"

In the making of video, she notes:
"I think it's cool to... see what music has been, cause I did this a year ago."

"To love love yeah
To love love yeah
To love yeah"

She released two songs that day, this one looking at the past.
The other called "Look At Her Now", spoke about strength, recovery, a rebirth.

"And now the chapter is closed and done
And now it's goodbye
It's goodbye for us"

These two songs represent a closing statement.
Everything that needed to be said, has been said.

Everything from here onwards, is the rest of Rare.

Monday, January 20, 2020

The Farewell: a comedy?

This was spurred by a best friend of mine exclaiming to me that Awkwafina won the Best Actress by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy. In his words... "Why is this film a comedy?!"

Let's ignore the fact that the nominations are actually submitted, and hence could be "decided" (see also: gamed) for the maximum chances of winning.
Side note: going up against Saoirse (sur-sha) Ronan or Scarlett Johansson is daunting to say the least.

I have noted that out of the times that I've been to see this movie, there were scenes that elicit different emotions from the audience.

Minor spoilers
The funeral home scene to me stood out.

There was a juxtaposition between the end of the last scene, with the mother saying that they employed people who cry... straight cut to a woman crying extremely loud and tearful in front of a funeral in progress. Seemingly to showcase the absurdity of the situation.
People laughed.

People laughed at the family burning paper iPhones, credit cards, cash.
People laughed at the peeling of the fruits, the opening of the chip bags, the idea that ancestors can't peel themselves in their corporeal form.
(The directors' real grandfather btw)

Honestly, I was a little taken aback. I mean, I also chuckled at removing the petals from flowers to prevent thieves. I have done it myself, and honestly, didn't think too much of it. It was until I saw some people taking the flowers and food from a grave. They picked out the good looking stalks, and then walked to the entrance of the funeral home to add to their existing flower bouquet.
Those... were for sale of course.

I stopped my chuckle. This... well.

The Farewell is, to me... a drama written and shot like a comedy.
While what's on screen is comedic, the events that trigger your own emotions is... drama.
That's easier to digest for people, and for repeated viewings. Pulling punches if you will.
Still, I don't see the fault in that, the film provides an interesting premise, and delivers.
They are designed as an escape, an outlet.

I wrote more about this film here.

This quote keeps floating back to me:

"You think one's life belongs to oneself. But that's the difference between the East and the West.
In the East, a person's life is part of a whole. Family, Society."

I think perhaps then... the hardest part for me, is to juggle between the two worlds. To be selfish... and be okay with it.

I do hope you find a balance as well.

P.S. While we are on this dramedy train, Fleabag is a good recommendation as well, more Brit dry wit, less ancestors.

Sunday, January 5, 2020


Sat down at a somewhat busy food court. He spoke while picking at his food.

He liked her, but he knows it's not enough. Not for a lifetime, he likes her. She loves him.
It's different.

"It's been a while since we last spoke. I know it is a shitty thing to say, but I'm going ahead with wanting a divorce."

"Did you think it through?"

It sure seems like that question is asked every time they meet.

"Yes, yes I'm sure."

Seems like everything is cyclical. He shifted his weight on the seat, leaning forward.

"This will break her, that I am sure of it. She loves me with all of her heart. But I need to be better to her."

He looked the other straight in the eye as he said it. He has convinced himself that this is the best course of action.

He went on about his plan, how it will supposed to be the least disruptive.

"All I'm saying is... they know. They know that something is not right. Hell, I ..."
"Just... talk it though"

"We'll get there."

"Yep... yep."

Wednesday, December 11, 2019


As summer came around, more and more people started congregating at the fountain.
Some of them are with dogs, well, those they need to.
Can’t expect the pets to pee in the apartments no?

The rest just sat around, there’s plenty of benches, tables with chairs. With books, they sit there with coffee on the table and a book in hand.
There is one with a weird keyboard contraption on his tablet.
Near the late part of summer, they started having plays at the fountain.
Plays, Shakespearean plays.

They have the costumes, they have the language, they have the grammar.

They have audience participation too. One of the actors came to the person at the front, and said “You are too young and too nice to bear the child of my blood, but thank you for offering”. I think... that's a complement?

I think it’s the commitment that impresses me really. There is no stage, there is no place to hide, no curtains. The only place for refuge is a little tent that they have setup for costume changes or touch ups. Every movement, even not as the centre of the attention, is in character.

In that sense, grabbing the audience attention is also difficult. With no stage, there isn’t a centralized place to look towards. Attention is attracted by either the sound that starts the scene, or just straight up vocal volume. It’s great.

Initially just walking past the fountain, he stopped one day when he heard a busker sing. She sang well, he stopped... and sat down nearby.

In that moment, with the sun shining down through the shade. He heard this song for the first time.
“Bülow - Two Punks In Love”
She delivered it beautifully. That song is now in his music library.

He went back every Saturday from that point on, sometimes he would be late, sometimes he would catch the last of the songs. He would sit there, and then enjoy the sun, enjoy the dogs that pass by, enjoy the breeze that comes through. Either listening to the busker, or listening to his songs on the phone.

Perhaps more importantly, enjoying the peacefulness.

Sunday, September 8, 2019

Last 3 Stages: 如果这就是爱情

Last 3 stages.

如果这就是爱情 - 张靓颖
你做了选择 对的错的
我只能承认 心是痛的
怀疑你舍得 我被伤的那么深
就放声哭了 何必再强忍

我没有选择 我不再完整
原来最后的吻 如此冰冷
你只能默认 我要被割舍
眼看着 你走了

如果这不是结局 如果我还爱你
如果我愿相信 你就是唯一
如果你听到这里 如果你依然放弃
那这就是爱情 我难以抗拒

如果这就是爱情 本来就不公平
你不需要讲理 我可以离去
如果我成全了你 如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清 是我证明 我爱你

灰色的天空 无法猜透
多余的眼泪 无法挽留
什么都牵动 感觉真的好脆弱
被呵护的人 原来不是我

我不要你走 我不想放手
却又不能够奢求 同情的温柔
你可以自由 我愿意承受
把昨天 留给我

如果这不是结局 如果我还爱你
如果我愿相信 你就是唯一
如果你听到这里 如果你依然放弃
那这就是爱情 我难以抗拒

如果这就是爱情 本来就不公平
你不需要讲理 我可以离去
如果我成全了你 如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清 是我证明 我爱你

If This Is Love - Jane Zhang
You made a choice, right or wrong
I can only confess, my heart is in pain
Questioning if you are willing to hurt me this deep
I cry loudly, there's no point holding it back

I have no choice. I am not whole anymore
Seems that the last kiss can be this cold
You admit passively that I am to be forgotten
As I watch you leave

If this is not the end, if I still love you
If I want to believe you are the one
If you hear this, if you still want to give up
Then this is love, I cannot resist

If this is love, it is not fair to begin with
You do not need to justify, I will leave
If I let you go, if I can wish you the best
It is not that I saw clearly, it is proof that I love you

Grey skies cannot be guessed
Excess tears cannot be held back
Emotional with everything, feeling really fragile
It is not me that you want to care for

I do not want you to go I do not want to let go
But I am not begging, I do not want pity
You can be free now, I am willing to endure
Leave yesterday with me

If this is not the end, If I still love you
If I want to believe you are the one
If you hear this, If you still want to go
Then this is love, I cannot resist

If this is love, it is not fair to begin with
You do not need to justify, I will leave
If I let you go, if I can wish you the best
It is not that I saw clearly, it is proof that I love you

紫色/Purple - Bargaining
蓝色/Blue - Depression
棕色/Brown - Acceptance