伤痕 - 林忆莲 / Scars - Sandy Lam

From her 1992 album Love Sandy.

伤痕

Verse

夜已深 还有什么人

让你这样醒着数伤痕

为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯

你若不肯说 我就不问

只是你现在不得不承认

爱情有时候是一种沉沦

让人失望的虽然是恋情本身 

但是不要只是因为你是女人

Bridge

若爱得深 会不能平衡

为情困 磨折了灵魂

该爱就爱 该恨的就恨

要为自己保留几分

Chorus

女人独有的天真

和温柔的天分

要留给真爱你的人

不管未来多苦多难

有他陪你完成

虽然爱是种责任

给要给得完整

有时爱美在无法永恒

爱有多销魂 就有多伤人

你若勇敢爱了 就要勇敢分

Scars

Late at night, who is still

keeping you awake counting scars

Why keep a light on before going to sleep

If you refuse to answer, I won't ask

But now you have to admit

That sometimes love is a deep void

While disappointment may come from the relationship itself

But don't blame it on being a woman

If the love is deep, can't keep a balance

Stuck in love and torture the soul

Should love then love, should hate then hate

Got to keep some for yourself

A lady's unique naiveness

and her natural sweetness

should be left to someone that truly loves you

No matter how tough and treacherous the future is

he will be there accompanying you

Although love is a kind of responsibility

When you give you give unconditionally

Sometimes love is beautiful because it can't be eternal

However much love can ravish, it can hurt that much as well

If you're brave enough to love, then you need to be brave enough to split

Palm Springs: Groundhog's Day with more Passengers

"It's gonna be a beautiful wedding!"

I have been looking forward to this movie for a while. The trailer was exceptionally cut and I was hooked. Plus, I'll always watch anything with Andy Samberg. Him plus Cristin Milioti? Sold.

The concept of time loop interests me, the chance of reliving the same day over and over again. At the start... it would be to anticipate what happens that day, to learn the routine. I'm extremely curious of pondering the what if, being able to remember the outcome for the next day. 

What Groundhog's Day did... was to put the main love interest as a constant, to start the day as the same, and hopefully change her with each version of the day. I found it too drastic the difference between what's shown as the "end of day" for her in earlier versions at the start compared to the canonical "end of day".

At the same time, it does not explore the loneliness that Phil feels, the kind that Bill Murray is really good at in Lost in Translation 10 years later. That's where the Passengers thoughts come in.

Chris Pratt's world does not repeat on a particular day, instead, it is full of emptiness in a futile situation. He's not able to predict the day, but... there's nothing to predict. He does the same things, a mundane repetition. The beauty of setting it in space also helps to give the audience a more direct translation of isolation. He pulls in another character to share the experience, and they're shown to enjoy each other's company. 

It however lacks a motivation for either character to do something... else. The Mcguffin is... oh boy.

The above two movies, completely different settings and storylines but sharing the same theme of repetition and loneliness.

Palm Springs does a great job of learning from the mistakes of both previous movies. The Mcguffin makes sense (for what it is) and they resolve it with a bang. The main events of the day gets covered in the first 5 mins with a lot of scenes left out. Hence, when it does repeat, the viewers get more context and additional scenes for the day.

Story is told from Milioti's perspective, with Samberg showing her the ropes of the day. It is a much tighter movie than Groundhog's Day as a result. In my opinion, the chemistry between Samberg and Milioti is much better than Pratt and Lawerence or Murray and MacDowell. This time as Milioti is in the time loop with Samberg, both have lots of character development and play off each other.

People have been calling Palm Springs a modern revised Groundhog's Day. That is absolutely correct. To me, I reckon it to a more refined and enjoyable Passengers.

Go watch it, is what I'm saying.

"It's gonna be a beautiful wedding!"

___

P.S. I also love that they threw in a quick 2 seconds of J.K. Simmons holding a whip and "lashing" out at Samberg. It's amazing.

P.P.S. Coincidentally, there's a video on YouTube on how if Passengers was rearranged it would be a much more interesting movie. 

Car

He sat in the car after driving 2 hours back at a Starbucks off the side of the highway.

Thoughts settled. He dialled up her phone.

The voice on the other end seemed despondent and confused.

"Why are you calling me?"

"I just got back, and wanted to talk to you."

There was silence, and then more silence and then the sobbing started.

"I promised I would call you when I got back."

...

"I didn't even know who this number was."

"I deleted you off my contacts list"

________________________________

遗憾的不是人，而是曾经承诺的。

就算承诺现在达到了，人也不在了。

怪要怪时间吧，计划赶不上变化。

Chapter 7: (夜的)第七章

这第7章，我想了很久，要怎么写。我是否还能用中文来表达我的情绪及情感。

因为疫情的关系大多都是呆在家里游手好闲，脑子里想的太多。今天刚刚妈妈生体不适，自己脑子里又在想”生命是如此的脆弱“。

用中文来写这章节，我有两个用意。第一，我觉得是时候试试看了。我的中文真的是太烂了。第二，我想把我最近的想法写下来。最近发生的事情，有太多闲人听闻。这些人中识中文的用一只手就算的过来，算是大题小做吧。

_________

去年的我刚刚得知前女友已经找到了新欢。一半的开心，另一半交杂着失落与愤怒，两半混浊不清，是一种难以描绘的的情绪。

愤怒 - 

三年前就觉得是首席竞争对手，当时唯一能让我安下心的是他并不单身。那段时间里自己就已经忐忑不定，也不知道到底在搞些什么。回看过去评论自己是常态，其实也没有什么用。还是不经意会想，当时如果没有继续追的话，是不是早点成全他们。三年的时光，算是买了一笔教训吧。

失落 - 

是因为发现在分手的第三天就投怀送抱，两个星期后转正。哇，好吧，我认了，失败了。这还不像歌里说的两个月，而是两个星期。确实，有一段时间我自己觉得我是不是活该。现在的我已经看淡了。

开心 - 

最近听说婚礼其实早定在今年6月，没能举办我为她感到不公。2020对所有人都不公平，希望一切好转以后她能够举办。这是一种炫耀，是希望所有人能见证的一刻。

以为屏蔽掉所有的社交网路，就能得到一些安抚。不能说完全没有帮助的，身边的朋友会在旁安抚，鼓励。只是共同朋友不少，有时候还是会说漏嘴，我当然也会猜的到吧。只能说，这些点点滴滴的信息，能勾起以前的回忆。而不幸的是，记起的是当时的失落，当时的无奈，自己的失败。以前的我不懂为什么要把别人拉黑，屏蔽任何关于‘他/她’的信息。我现在的懂了，这不是逃避，而是这些回忆并没有任何其他的价值。把它埋没，往前看，是最好的选择。

这人已经与我无关。

__________

我非常推荐Trevor Noah的Born a Crime。

我觉得虽然与他成长在不同的地方，却能与他的故事产生共鸣。总觉得好像哪里都是水土不服，自己也通过说话的腔调努力去克服任何种族障碍。他说：

    Racism teaches us that we are different because of the color of our skin. But because racism is stupid, it’s easily tricked. If you’re racist and you meet someone who doesn’t look like you, the fact that he can’t speak like you reinforces your racist preconceptions: He’s different, less intelligent. A brilliant scientist can come over the border from Mexico to live in America, but if he speaks in broken English, people say, “Eh, I don’t trust this guy.” 

    “But he’s a scientist.” 

    “In Mexican science, maybe. I don’t trust him.” 

    However, if the person who doesn’t look like you speaks like you, your brain short-circuits because your racism program has none of those instructions in the code. “Wait, wait,” your mind says, “the racism code says if he doesn’t look like me he isn’t like me, but the language code says if he speaks like me he...is like me? Something is off here. I can’t figure this out.”

 

中文解读是：

    种族主义说我们因为肤色的不同而不同。但种族主义者很蠢，很容易被骗。如果你是个种族主义者，你遇到一个和你长得不一样的人，恰巧他说话的方式和你也不一样，这只会加深你的种族偏见:他和我不一样，智商低。假设一个很厉害的科学家从墨西哥移民到美国，但他的英文说得磕磕巴巴，人们会说:“呃，我不相信他。” 

    “可是他是科学家啊。” 

    “墨西哥科学吧，我不相信他。” 

    但是，如果这个人和你长得不同，但是说话方式一样，你那植入了种族主义程序的大脑就会短路，不知道该如何处理此类代码。“等等，”你的大脑说，“种族主义的代码说，如果他长得不像我，那么他和我不同，但是语言代码又说他和我说一样的语言......所以他和我一样?什么地方不太对啊。我想不明白了。”

特别是疫情期间，这也是敏感时期。希望以后能变好。

__________

我一直希望我妈能够过的好。

好的定义千奇百怪，我把它定义为，她能开心，能快乐。生体健康。

__________

恭喜你找到新的工作。

__________

这玩意儿是我去年的动漫展上路过一家小店铺看到的。

我也不知道为什么把它买下来，当时已经没有任何悬念，买了也没摆出来。

做工倒不错，没差原版多少。

往前走

2020

P.S. 希望写的中文还能看得明白

不具名的悲伤

Dear ____,

This is a letter that I want to send to you. 

I'm not sending it to you because I do not want to engage with you more, or make you feel anything otherwise. Your words when we last spoke on the park bench rings in my head like a bell, constantly ringing... ringing... ringing.

There was something I wanted to recommend you called "Modern Love" on Amazon Prime. I just find it written so... well, so real. I just don't know if you are into things like a romantic drama or not. Maybe you do and just put on a strong face for it. You're a mystery in that sense, always with the thriller and horror recommendations. The closest to a romantic comedy would be The Farewell. I'm glad to hear the Q&A with the director.

I'm writing this letter because I think about you more than I want to. With the world being a crazy place now... I find myself wondering how you are doing. Yet, the chats don't really amount to anything. In that case, why start the conversation at all.

Truth be told, everything is a selfish decision. I'm phasing you out of my life, so I don't think about you. This is an one sided decision.

I look at this as a failure, I'm a fighter for sure. Yet in something like this, I find myself unable to convince even myself why and how to fight. I can't convince myself that this is going to work. Those bells are ringing again. It was a sure 100% done deal... and then there's me.

Still, never expected us to connect in a the way that we did, the one thing I did think about was that I wasn't putting up a front, like there was no filter for me. That... was strange for me.

I remember when you found a new job, I was really happy. Even after I found out you essentially had an internal recommendation. Congratulations were in order. It wasn't until the final elevator lobby that I had the strongest sense of dread. Nevertheless, I held back.

I am suddenly... at a loss for words.