Past + Present: Past Life

3/3

I'm trying to be honest with my happiness
Don't know why I'm bad at this, uh

And I don't wanna sit in all my sadness
I know it's a habit of mine

我试图坦诚面对我的幸福

不知道为何这么难

而我不想一直沉迷于我的忧伤里

我知道这是我的嗜好

Perfect, perfect timing
I start what I don't know how to end
Don't re-, don't remind me
I ruined it before it began, oh

完美，完美时机

我开始了我不知道怎么sh

别再，别再提醒我

我在它开始前就搞砸了

Last night was the last night of my past life
Got me here like you could never figure me out
Last night was the last time, was the last time
I never let you figure me out
Sitting here, talking to myself
Thinking how I used to use you
Only thing I'm used to
Last night was the last time, was the last time, woah

昨晚是我前生的最后一夜

你对我琢磨不清

昨晚是最后一次，是最后一次

我不会让你看清我的

坐在这里，自言自语

回想起我是如何利用你

我唯一习惯的相处方式

昨晚是最后一次，是最后一次

Gave me what I wanted when I needed it
Honestly, I mean it
And if I could convince myself to feel it
You know I would feel it, I would

在我需要的时候你给了我

真的，我是认真的

如果我能说服自己去感受它

你知道其实我早就能感觉到了，真的

Where we've been, what we know

Will never go away

Will never go away

Where we've been, what we know

Will never go away

Will never go away

去过哪里，领悟了什么

永远不会忘记

永远不会忘记

去过哪里，领悟了什么

永远不会忘记

永远不会忘记

______________

These months... TBC

Lights

He set a direction in this GPS for home.

Wait, is there still light out? He looked at his watch, 8:30, there's still time perhaps.

Updating his destination, he started driving.

________

It was already very dark when he got there, almost.

He walked up the hill, he didn't expect there to be the overgrown trees, though to be fair the last time he was here was in winter.

At the spot where he took the last picture, this time there's more people, with drinks and music.

He misses the peace and quiet, but definitely not the cold.

Still, he found a spot and sat down. 

He had missed it. Though the city lights are starting to make up for it, a different scene than what he expected to see.

_________

Walking back down the hill, some mini fireworks started from up top. Seems like the people are compensating for the lack of real fireworks. The sound reflects from across the valley, seemingly doubling the amount that's actually there.

Heh. So many things running through his head.

Present: exile

 2/3

I can see you standing, honey
With his arms around your body
Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all
And it took you five whole minutes
To pack us up and leave me with it
Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

亲爱的，我看的见你站在那里

他的手搂在你身上

笑着跟本不好笑的笑话

你只花了五分钟的时间

结束了我们，留下我一个人

在走廊里守护这余温
____________________

I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
You're not my homeland anymore
So what am I defending now
You were my town
Now I'm in exile, seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before

我好像看过这部电影
并不喜欢这结局
你已经不是我的家园
那我还在坚守什么
你曾是我的故乡
现在放逐的我，看着你离去
我想我看过这情节

____________________

I can see you starin', honey

Like he's just your understudy
Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me
Second, third, and hundredth chances
Balancin' on breaking branches
Those eyes add insult to injury

亲爱的，我看你在盯着我们

好像他只是你的替补

好像你要为我把他打的遍体凌伤

一次又一次的机会

在断开的树枝上平衡

你现在的眼神只是雪上加霜

____________________

I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
I'm not your problem anymore
So who am I offending now
You were my crown
Now I'm in exile, seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before
So I'm leavin' out the side door

我好像看过这部电影
并不喜欢这结局
我不再是你的麻烦了
那我现在又冒犯了谁
你曾是我的皇冠
现在放逐的我，看着你离去
我想我看过这种情节
所以我就先走一步了

____________________

So step right out, there is no amount
Of crying I can do for you
All this time
We always walked a very thin line
You didn't even hear me out (You didn't even hear me out)
You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

走就走吧，我没有办法
为你哭泣
一直以来
我们总是忐忑不定

要你听我说都不愿意（你连听都不愿意）

你从来没给我警示（我暗示了好多次）

____________________

All this time
I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind)
I couldn't turn things around (You never turned things around)
'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)
So many signs, so many signs
You didn't even see the signs

一直以来

我没学会读懂你的心思（没学会读懂我的心思）
我没办法挽回这一切（你没有挽回这一切）
因为你从来没给过我警示（我暗示了好多次）
好多次的暗示，好多次的暗示
你就是没看见

____________________

It's like I'm looking in this time, but all too familiar.

Past: cardigan

1/3

A friend to all is a friend to none

Chase two girls, lose the one
When you are young, they assume you know nothin'

若都是朋友就是没有知己
脚踏两船，得不到唯一
当你年轻时，他们都觉得你什么都不懂

_________________

But I knew you
Playing hide-and-seek and giving me your weekends, I
I knew you
Your heartbeat on the high line, once in 20 lifetimes, I

但我懂你
一起玩捉迷藏，于我共度每个周末
我懂你
你的心从未如此悸动，是20个来生里第一次

_________________

To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed
You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

其实我们只求于在车里，酒吧里接吻
你曾在我的伤疤周围点缀闪亮星星
如今我却还是心如刀割

_________________

'Cause I knew you
Steppin' on the last train, Marked me like a bloodstain, I
I knew you
Tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy, I
I knew you
Leavin' like a father, running like water, I
And when you are young, they assume you know nothing

因为我懂你
踏上了末班列车，像血迹般标记我
我懂你
尝试改变结局，皮特失去了温蒂
我懂你
像离家出走的父亲，哭的一败涂地
当你年轻时，他们都觉得你什么都不懂

_________________

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss
I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs
The smell of smoke would hang around this long
'Cause I knew everything when I was young

但我知道你会像嘴唇纹身一样回荡
我知道你会出没于我所有的遐想
烟味会在此弥漫不散
其实我年轻时什么都懂

_________________

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time
Chasin' shadows in the grocery line
I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired
And you'd be standin' in my front porch light
And I knew you'd come back to me
You'd come back to me
And you'd come back to me
And you'd come back

我知道我会诅咒你许久
在超市里不断追寻着身影
我知道当激情消失后你会想念我
然后站到我家门口
我知道你会回到我身边
你会回到我身边
你会回到我身边
你会的

_________________

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan
Under someone's bed
You put me on and said I was your favorite

当我觉得自己是一件被人遗忘的旧毛衣
堆积在某人的床底下
你将我穿上，说我是的你的最爱

_________________

"Peter losing Wendy" refers to the story of Peter Pan.

I took some liberties at "Leavin' like a father, running like water" and pegged it to be of tears running, I've seen some versions where it refers to the father running away faster with the water.

This is... Ashe

I have never heard of Ashe until this song came on as part of YouTube's recommendation.

The lyrics are so personal that I was wondering if it was personal experience.

Turns out it was.

I'm not going to repeat what the video at the end is going to tell you, but this talks a lot about her journey and how she came about to write this song about her ex-husband.

Moral of the Story - Ashe

This song is produced by FINNEAS, as in, Billie Eilish's brother.

Side note: I've been identifying music producers/song writers that I vibe with, him and Ryan Tedder seem to be my jam.

Released on Valentine's Day 2019, it got mainstream only when the 2nd film in the "To All the Boys" trilogy featured it... one year later. I only watched the clip at which it was featured, I laughed, I think it's too young for the situation that this track is talking about.

A duet version with One Direction-er Niall Horan was released in June 2020, the 2nd verse is changed from the personal story about painting houses to something more contemporary.

I moved this song into the playlist I made for acceptance.

"Some mistakes get made

that's alright, that's okay

in the end it's better for me, 

that's the moral of the story"

__________

I like to think that with her new duet with FINNEAS  "Till Forever Falls Apart", she's moved on to a more optimistic portion of her life.