Past + Present: Past Life

3/3

I'm trying to be honest with my happiness
Don't know why I'm bad at this, uh

And I don't wanna sit in all my sadness
I know it's a habit of mine

我试图坦诚面对我的幸福

不知道为何这么难

而我不想一直沉迷于我的忧伤里

我知道这是我的嗜好

Perfect, perfect timing

I start what I don't know how to end

Don't re-, don't remind me
I ruined it before it began, oh

完美，完美时机

我开始了但我不知道如何结束

别再，别再提醒我

我在它开始前就把它搞砸了

Last night was the last night of my past life
Got me here like you could never figure me out
Last night was the last time, was the last time
I never let you figure me out
Sitting here, talking to myself
Thinking how I used to use you
Only thing I'm used to
Last night was the last time, was the last time, woah

昨晚是我前生的最后一夜

你对我琢磨不清

昨晚是最后一次，是最后一次

我不会让你看清我的

坐在这里，自言自语

回想起我是如何利用你

是我唯一习惯的相处方式

昨晚是最后一次，是最后一次

Gave me what I wanted when I needed it
Honestly, I mean it

And if I could convince myself to feel it
You know I would feel it, I would

在我需要的时候你给了我

真的，我是认真的

如果我能说服自己去感受它

你知道其实我早就能感觉到了，真的

Where we've been, what we know

Will never go away

Will never go away

Where we've been, what we know

Will never go away

Will never go away

去过哪里，领悟了什么

永远不会忘记

永远不会忘记

去过哪里，领悟了什么

永远不会忘记

永远不会忘记

______________

These months... TBC

Present: exile

 2/3

I can see you standing, honey
With his arms around your body
Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all
And it took you five whole minutes
To pack us up and leave me with it
Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

亲爱的，我看的见你站在那里

他的手搂在你身上

笑着跟本不好笑的笑话

你只花了五分钟的时间

结束了我们，留下我一个人

在走廊里守护这余温
____________________

I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
You're not my homeland anymore
So what am I defending now
You were my town
Now I'm in exile, seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before

我好像看过这部电影
并不喜欢这结局
你已经不是我的家园
那我还在坚守什么
你曾是我的故乡
现在放逐的我，看着你离去
我想我看过这情节

____________________

I can see you starin', honey

Like he's just your understudy
Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me
Second, third, and hundredth chances
Balancin' on breaking branches
Those eyes add insult to injury

亲爱的，我看你在盯着我们

好像他只是你的替补

好像你要为我把他打的遍体凌伤

一次又一次的机会

在断开的树枝上平衡

你现在的眼神只是雪上加霜

____________________

I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
I'm not your problem anymore
So who am I offending now
You were my crown
Now I'm in exile, seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before
So I'm leavin' out the side door

我好像看过这部电影
并不喜欢这结局
我不再是你的麻烦了
那我现在又冒犯了谁
你曾是我的皇冠
现在放逐的我，看着你离去
我想我看过这种情节
所以我就先走一步了

____________________

So step right out, there is no amount
Of crying I can do for you
All this time
We always walked a very thin line
You didn't even hear me out (You didn't even hear me out)
You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

走就走吧，我没有办法
为你哭泣
一直以来
我们总是忐忑不定

要你听我说都不愿意（你连听都不愿意）

你从来没给我警示（我暗示了好多次）

____________________

All this time
I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind)
I couldn't turn things around (You never turned things around)
'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)
So many signs, so many signs
You didn't even see the signs

一直以来

我没学会读懂你的心思（没学会读懂我的心思）
我没办法挽回这一切（你没有挽回这一切）
因为你从来没给过我警示（我暗示了好多次）
好多次的暗示，好多次的暗示
你就是没看见

____________________

It's like I'm looking in this time, but all too familiar.

Past: cardigan

1/3

A friend to all is a friend to none

Chase two girls, lose the one
When you are young, they assume you know nothin'

若都是朋友就是没有知己
脚踏两船，得不到唯一
当你年轻时，他们都觉得你什么都不懂

_________________

But I knew you
Playing hide-and-seek and giving me your weekends, I
I knew you
Your heartbeat on the high line, once in 20 lifetimes, I

但我懂你
一起玩捉迷藏，于我共度每个周末
我懂你
你的心从未如此悸动，是20个来生里第一次

_________________

To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed
You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

其实我们只求于在车里，酒吧里接吻
你曾在我的伤疤周围点缀闪亮星星
如今我却还是心如刀割

_________________

'Cause I knew you
Steppin' on the last train, Marked me like a bloodstain, I
I knew you
Tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy, I
I knew you
Leavin' like a father, running like water, I
And when you are young, they assume you know nothing

因为我懂你
踏上了末班列车，像血迹般标记我
我懂你
尝试改变结局，皮特失去了温蒂
我懂你
像离家出走的父亲，哭的一败涂地
当你年轻时，他们都觉得你什么都不懂

_________________

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss
I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs
The smell of smoke would hang around this long
'Cause I knew everything when I was young

但我知道你会像嘴唇纹身一样回荡
我知道你会出没于我所有的遐想
烟味会在此弥漫不散
其实我年轻时什么都懂

_________________

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time
Chasin' shadows in the grocery line
I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired
And you'd be standin' in my front porch light
And I knew you'd come back to me
You'd come back to me
And you'd come back to me
And you'd come back

我知道我会诅咒你许久
在超市里不断追寻着身影
我知道当激情消失后你会想念我
然后站到我家门口
我知道你会回到我身边
你会回到我身边
你会回到我身边
你会的

_________________

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan
Under someone's bed
You put me on and said I was your favorite

当我觉得自己是一件被人遗忘的旧毛衣
堆积在某人的床底下
你将我穿上，说我是的你的最爱

_________________

"Peter losing Wendy" refers to the story of Peter Pan.

I took some liberties at "Leavin' like a father, running like water" and pegged it to be of tears running, I've seen some versions where it refers to the father running away faster with the water.

伤痕 - 林忆莲 / Scars - Sandy Lam

From her 1992 album Love Sandy.

伤痕

Verse

夜已深 还有什么人

让你这样醒着数伤痕

为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯

你若不肯说 我就不问

只是你现在不得不承认

爱情有时候是一种沉沦

让人失望的虽然是恋情本身 

但是不要只是因为你是女人

Bridge

若爱得深 会不能平衡

为情困 磨折了灵魂

该爱就爱 该恨的就恨

要为自己保留几分

Chorus

女人独有的天真

和温柔的天分

要留给真爱你的人

不管未来多苦多难

有他陪你完成

虽然爱是种责任

给要给得完整

有时爱美在无法永恒

爱有多销魂 就有多伤人

你若勇敢爱了 就要勇敢分

Scars

Late at night, who is still

Keeping you awake counting scars

Why keep a light on before going to sleep

If you refuse to answer, I won't ask

But now you have to admit

That sometimes love is a deep void

While disappointment may come from the relationship itself

But don't blame it on being a woman

If the love is deep, can't keep a balance

Stuck in love and torture the soul

Should love then love, should hate then hate

Got to keep some for yourself

A lady's unique naiveness

and her natural sweetness

should be left to someone that truly loves you

No matter how tough and treacherous the future is

He will be there accompanying you

Although love is a kind of responsibility

When you give you give unconditionally

Sometimes love is beautiful because it can't be eternal

However much love can be bewitching, it can hurt that much as well

If you're brave enough to love, then you need to be brave enough to split

Last 3 Stages: 如果这就是爱情

Last 3 stages.


如果这就是爱情 - 张靓颖
你做了选择 对的错的
我只能承认 心是痛的
怀疑你舍得 我被伤的那么深
就放声哭了 何必再强忍

我没有选择 我不再完整
原来最后的吻 如此冰冷
你只能默认 我要被割舍
眼看着 你走了

如果这不是结局 如果我还爱你
如果我愿相信 你就是唯一
如果你听到这里 如果你依然放弃
那这就是爱情 我难以抗拒

如果这就是爱情 本来就不公平
你不需要讲理 我可以离去
如果我成全了你 如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清 是我证明 我爱你

灰色的天空 无法猜透
多余的眼泪 无法挽留
什么都牵动 感觉真的好脆弱
被呵护的人 原来不是我

我不要你走 我不想放手
却又不能够奢求 同情的温柔
你可以自由 我愿意承受
把昨天 留给我

如果这不是结局 如果我还爱你
如果我愿相信 你就是唯一
如果你听到这里 如果你依然放弃
那这就是爱情 我难以抗拒

如果这就是爱情 本来就不公平
你不需要讲理 我可以离去
如果我成全了你 如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清 是我证明 我爱你

If This Is Love - Jane Zhang
You made a choice, right or wrong
I can only confess, my heart is in pain
Questioning if you are willing to hurt me this deep
I cry loudly, there's no point holding it back

I have no choice. I am not whole anymore
Seems that the last kiss can be this cold
You admit passively that I am to be forgotten
As I watch you leave

If this is not the end, if I still love you
If I want to believe you are the one
If you hear this, if you still want to give up
Then this is love, I cannot resist

If this is love, it is not fair to begin with
You do not need to justify, I will leave
If I let you go, if I can wish you the best
It is not that I saw clearly, it is proof that I love you

Grey skies cannot be guessed
Excess tears cannot be held back
Emotional with everything, feeling really fragile
It is not me that you want to care for

I do not want you to go I do not want to let go
But I am not begging, I do not want pity
You can be free now, I am willing to endure
Leave yesterday with me

If this is not the end, If I still love you
If I want to believe you are the one
If you hear this, If you still want to go
Then this is love, I cannot resist

If this is love, it is not fair to begin with
You do not need to justify, I will leave
If I let you go, if I can wish you the best
It is not that I saw clearly, it is proof that I love you

紫色/Purple - Bargaining
蓝色/Blue - Depression
棕色/Brown - Acceptance

First 3 Stages: 我不难过

While figuring out the playlist selections, I found two songs that seemingly capture more than one stage of grief.
One song handles the first 3 stages, the next song handles the last 3, with an overlap in the middle.
It's been a while since I've done a self-translate. So here it goes.

我不难过 - 孙燕姿
又站在你家的门口 我们重复沉默
这样子单方面的守候 还能多久
终于你开口向我诉说 她有多温柔
虽然你还握着我的手 但我已不在你心中

我真的懂 你不是喜新厌旧
是我没有 陪在你身边 当你寂寞时候
别再看着我 说着你爱过 别太伤痛
我不难过 这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流 我也不懂
就让我走 让我开始享受自由
回忆很多 你的影子也会充满我生活
我并不懦弱 你比谁都懂
虽然寂寞 这会是我 最后的宽容

终于你开口向我诉说她有多温柔
虽然你还握着我的手 但我已不在你心中

我真的懂 你不是喜新厌旧
是我没有 陪在你身边 当你寂寞时候
别再看着我 说着你爱过 别太伤痛
我不难过 这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流 我也不懂
就让我走 让我开始享受自由
回忆很多 你的影子也会充满我生活
我并不懦弱 你比谁都懂
虽然寂寞 这会是我 最后的宽容

抱紧我 再抱紧我
这一份感动 请你让我留在胸口
别再说是你的错 爱到了尽头
是非对错 就让它随风
忘了所有 过得比你快活

我真的懂 你不是喜新厌旧
是我没有 陪在你身边 当你寂寞时候
别再看着我 说着你爱过 别太伤痛
我不难过 这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流 我也不懂

不要再说 或许这是最好的结果
现在分手 总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
松开你的手 离开你左右
我向前走 这会是我 真正的解脱


I'm Not Sad - Stephanie Sun
Standing in front of your place again, the silence persists
This one sided waiting, how long can it last
Finally you start to tell me how gentle she is
Even though you are holding my hand, but I am not in your heart

I really understand, you are not fickle
I was not there by your side when you were lonely
Don't look at me and say you loved me don't be too hurt
I'm not sad, this is nothing
I just don't know why these tears are falling
Just let me go, let me start to enjoy my freedom
Memories abound, your shadow will envelope my life
I am not a coward, you know this better than anyone
Even though I'm alone, this will be my final tolerance

Finally you start to tell me how gentle she is
Even though you are holding my hand, but I am not in your heart

I really understand, you are not fickle
I was not there by your side when you were lonely
Don't look at me and say you loved me don't be too hurt
I'm not sad, this is nothing
I just don't know why these tears are falling
Just let me go, let me start to enjoy my freedom
Memories abound, your shadow will envelope my life
I am not a coward, you know this better than anyone
Even though I'm alone, this will be my final tolerance

Hug me close, hug me close again
Let me keep this moving feeling in my chest
Don't keep saying its your fault, love has reach its end
Right or wrong, leave it to the wind
Forget everything and live better than you

I really understand, you are not fickle
I was not there by your side when you were lonely
Don't look at me and say you loved me don't be too hurt
I'm not sad, this is nothing
I just don't know why these tears are falling

Stop talking, maybe this is for the best
Breaking up now, is better than you not loving me and dragging this out
Letting go of your hand and leaving you
I walk forward, this will then be my true escape

绿色/Green - Denial
红色/Red - Anger
紫色/Purple - Bargaining

红豆

我自己把这首歌翻了翻. 歌词真的很不错.

中文
红豆 - 女:王菲/男:方大同
还没好好的感受
雪花绽放的气候
我们一起颤抖
会更明白什么是温柔

还没跟你牵著手
走过荒芜的沙丘
可能从此以后学会珍惜
天长和地久

有时候有时候
我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候
没有什么会永垂不朽

可是我有时候
宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透
也许你会陪我看细水长流

还没为你把红豆
熬成缠绵的伤口
然后一起分享
会更明白相思的哀愁

还没好好的感受
醒著亲吻的温柔
可能在我左右
你才追求孤独的自由


English:

Red Bean - F:Faye Wong/M:Khalil Fong

Verse 1
Haven't had enough time to feel
The weather in which the snowflakes bloom
We will huddle together
and finally understand what warmth feels like

Haven't held your hand
and walked over barren sand dunes
Perhaps from now on
I will learn to cherish forever and ever.

Chorus
There are times, there are times
I would believe everything has an end
Gathering, leaving are all part of the life
Nothing lasts forever

But then I sometimes
Rather choose to reminisce and not let go
Cause when all is said and done
Perhaps you would spend the rest of your life with me

Verse 2
Haven't cooked a red bean
into a lingering wound for you
and share it together
so we might finally understand the sorrow of missing one another

Haven't had enough time to feel
waking up to a tender morning kiss
Perhaps only around me
You want to pursue the freedom from loneliness

________________________


Notes:
Definitely took a lot of liberties with the translation. I do find that a lot of things is well "Lost in Translation". My goal wasn't to have a word for word translation, but something that flows proper, and (hopefully) ends up having the same impact as the original song.

Meaning:
The "Red Bean" in this context does not mean the red bean soup, red bean paste, red bean whatever, its not edible.

It's actually called (and I can't believe it myself when I found it) jequirity bean. In Chinese though we have a much nicer way of calling this bean, by (literal translation) "missing one another" bean. It has been a symbol of love in China. Most people ended up just calling it by its color, hence, "Red Bean".

Also a thing of note, the bean is actually poisonous. Irony? Perhaps.

________________________


现在发现, 在与一个朋友谈他的心事的时候.
往往能在里面看到一些自己的身影.
更奇怪的是, 聊着聊着, 有时候也能让自己领悟到一些事.

最后发现, 你并不是在给他建议.
其实, 你是在与你自己对话.


有时候, 有时候

叶子

纪念阿桑. 这首歌... 我... 也是很好听的.

叶子 - 阿桑
葉子　是不會飛翔的翅膀
翅膀　是落在天上的葉子
天堂　原來應該不是妄想
只是我早已經遺忘
當初怎么開始飛翔
孤單　是一個人的狂歡
狂歡　是一群人的孤單
愛情　原來的開始是陪伴
但我也漸漸地遺忘
當時是怎樣有人陪伴
我一個人吃飯　旅行　(到處)走走停停
也一個人看書　寫信　自己對話談心
只是心又飄到了哪里
就連自己看也看不清
我想我不僅僅是失去妳


English:
Leaves
Leaves, are like wings that can't fly
Wings, are like leafs that fall in the sky

Heaven, shouldn't have been wishful thinking
I had long forgot
How I started flying

Loneliness, is a person's party
Party, is a group of lonely people.

Love, originally starts with companion
But I'm starting to forget, how I had a companion

By myself, I dine and travel, stopping ever so often
Also started to read, write, converse with myself

But where my heart has drifted to
Even I can't see it clearly myself

I think I've lost more than just you.


Self rough translation for people who don't know Chinese.