Sunday, September 12, 2010

Chapter 5.3 End

Chapter 5.3

I'm fallen into a lull, I know what I want to write but... I don't really know how to go about doing it.

These days I've been meeting friends, doing chores, packing, meeting friends., learning to drive. I guess I want to make my life as productive as I can.

I was looking through the photos I've taken, well, those that I still have all these years. Pictures of places I've been, food I've eaten... and most importantly people I've met and loved.

It was then I realize just how fragile relationships can be, and no, I'm not even talking about love.

Friends that were with you a year ago might be accquaintances now. People that call you their "best friend" might not answer your messages. There are people who just fade out simply because of the distances between them and you. People move on, including me.

Regardless, I've made some shitty choices and in turn burnt a lot of bridges. Most of them was me being scared and running away from them, that was my defense mechnism from people that I couldn't face anymore.

For that, I'm sorry.

I like to think that I've done all I wanted to do, at least those I can think of.

Up the CN tower, watched a few Blue Jays games, watched one Raptors game, watched no leafs game, went to lakeshore, went to Eaton centre, stood outside the AGO, went to chinatown, went to koreantown (yonge & finch), laughed at the thought of going to the children's musuem.

Failed a course, 100 a course, 80 a course playing Pokemon in the back. Not paying a library fine for 2 years. Overnight in DC, overnight in MC.

I thank all my friends, my close friends, my accquaintances.

Tomorrow marks the start of something new. 5 chapters, 5 years.

See you guys on the other side.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


There are times when you want to find peace and quiet but just can't find the place.

Now that I'm here, there isn't anything left for me to sit there and brood over.

I'm left with decisions I've made, decisions I can't change.

"有时候, 有时候, 我会相信一切有尽头, 相聚离开都有时候, 没有什么会永垂不朽."

"走吧, 走吧, 人总要学着自己长大, 走吧, 走吧, 人生难免经历苦痛挣扎."

呵呵, 最后还是回想起老歌...

我在这里 08/05/2010 Lake Louise. 天气晴.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Timezone 2

I woke with sleepy eyes.

It was 4:30. Not a normal time to wake up by any imagination.

I made my way through the train cars, people were still asleep, wrapping up their dreams. I crept pass them carefully. No way I was waking them up and let them realize what I was going to do.

It is dark when I got to the dome car. Storm clouds was looming over. I could see a little glimmer of red at the horizon, thankfully I was not late.

I was worried though, lightning was flashing quickly in the clouds... and then it began to rain.

Ugh, I woke up for nothing.

As quickly as the rain started it stopped. The clouds were moving faster than I thought.

That red turned into bright orange, bright yellow, the clouds were colored gold. As the sun rose on my right, I looked to my left, where darkness was beginning to fade. By now, the clouds was ruining someone else's morning

I could see water towers, houses, gas stations. We should be nearing Edmonton by now.

I yawned, 5:30 was the time. I couldn't take it anymore, as I made my way back, the sun had woken up some people, most of them elderly.

Muhaha, I thought to myself with an evil laugh, and went straight back to sleep.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Timezone 1

A full 24hrs later, we left one timezone for another.

I'm sitting in the dome, enjoying the sunset, and the peacefulness of it all.

Here there is nothing, no people, no towns, no cars, just trees, nature, lakes, blue skies and the sunset.
Ah yes the sunset...

Our train races forward on the track, moving ever so close to Winnipeg. As if it was racing backwards in time, trying to fight for the passengers, a little more time to view the sunset, just a little more before darkness envelopes us. But then again, it knows, darkness will come.

The sky darkens.

And the world... the world opens up.

Stars pop out. The moon says hi through the reflections off the water surface and plays hide and seek through the trees.

I wish I could capture all of this in a picture, but to no avail, be it the glass dome reflecting off the lights, or the not up to snuff photo sensitivity on my camera.

This moment, I wish I could be on the train for a long time, I'm not heading towards a vacation, I'm on it right now.

Friday, June 4, 2010

一些杂物 v 3.0

上海家里的狗狗, 聪聪.

当你开始在乎他/她对你的看法, 他/她已钻进你的心了.

女: 我买东西你买单
男: 你买东西我买单


看到一个眼睛哭肿的女孩在街上走着... 再走走, 发现后面远远跟着一个男孩, 不敢靠近.

我想了想, 忘记一个人, 最后忘记的是他/她的背影.
以此推类, 记得一个人, 开始记得的是他/她的背影.

男人是装, 装作无所谓, 装的若无其事. 越痛就越装, 越装也越痛, 恶性循环.

我:"我想到我要买房了, 估计要买到杭州去了"
妈:"杭州也很贵, 我看你买要买到昆山旁边去了"

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Chapter 5.2

No I'm not a Singaporean citizen. I'm a permanent resident there. Yes, they have to serve as well.

In a book that I received as a gift for my birthday last year, in it a friend wrote:
"We all have secrets. Don't let yours ruin your life/enjoyment of life. Worst comes to worst, admit it to strangers!"

Later he also sent me something he had learned. He compared to me to bitter groud (苦瓜). It was considered to be a "gentlemen's vegetable"(君子菜) Because when cooked with other things the bitterness of the groud would not spread to others, it would remain with it.

At that time I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. I hadn't thought of it in this way until he send me that. It being my bottled up bitterness and the unwillingness to share it with others. The latter part was true, I didn't like to share my unhappy stories with people. There was no use getting other people down too, to labor them with another person's sorrow. So I want to make everyone happy, every single one of them around me to be happy. I don't think I'm a humorous person, so I do my best anyways. I hope over the years I have cheered up all of my friends at least once.

I'm a weird person. I don't like sharing but I like listening. I love listening to stories of people. Over the years I have witnessed happiness when talking about their other half, the sadness of disappointing family, the scared jobless, the confused over signals.

I've tried to help, tried to console, tried to make fun of him/her about their happy state ;). I feel happy that I helped them with something, feel happy that they are happy.

I like to think that I'm not a unhappy guy, and I still don't think I am, no matter how my friends say I am.

The years and my predicament have made me realize something, and it was something I kept telling my friends before I left.
Cherish what you have and fight for what you don't have. Especially relationships, friends, loved ones or otherwise.

That was ... hypocritical.

歌曲: 爱就对了 - S.H.E


Saturday, April 24, 2010

Chapter 5.1

Was it supposed to end this way? I kept thinking to myself. I didn't know.

There was something I held to myself for quite a while. Quite a while it has been, ever since I started in the university I knew what I was going to do after I graduated. That long faraway period was foreign to me. "5 years later", that was what I've said to myself. I should try to enjoy university life as much as I can.

So I did. Over the past 5 years I've met some interesting people, people I liked, people I disliked, people I've absolutely hated, people I fell in love with.

I'm sorry to those people who asked about what I was going to do after I graduate. I didn't mean to lie. There was a part of me who refuses to believe it, yet the other part was slowly accepting it. Please forgive me if I've offended you.

I'll be in the Singaporean army the next 2 years.

Back for convocation though, wouldn't miss it for the world.

Will write more later. Right now, I'm sorting, both my emotions and my things.

歌: 三人游 - 方大同

Friday, April 23, 2010

歌曲介绍: 梁静茹 - 知多少

以前听她的歌... 总觉得她是不是也经历过许多, 才能把歌唱的... 怎么说呢, 别有一番滋味吧.

前几天上网翻youtube, 看到这个...

今年, 她也找到了她的幸福.

本来我想写个播放列表介绍的, 但是Fishy的歌应该都脍炙人口吧. 所以在这里介绍首我非常喜欢的歌, <崇拜>专辑.


看那朵云 像不像白色羽毛
堆砌在空中 舍不得飘
我好想他 于是我原地旋绕
让他有空时 瞧一瞧

等的人 等待中花落知多少
经得起 岁月动摇
想的人 感伤的日落知多少
或许这世界上 有些梦

看那朵云 是我想飞的羽毛
堆砌在空中 放慢地飘
我好想他 于是我将心缠绕

等的人 等待中花落知多少
经得起 岁月动摇
想的人 感伤的日落知多少
或许这世界上 有些梦

等的人 等待中花落知多少
经得起 岁月动摇
想的人 感伤的日落知多少
或许这世界上 有些梦

给... 所有在等, 等过, 等到的人吧.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


他们看起来对彼此并不陌生, 但是又感觉疏远.

他们点了菜, 开始聊天.
聊了彼此的最新概况, 他略过了他忙碌的工作, 听着她说着她那缤纷多彩的生活.

聊着聊着... 女方问到:

可能我浪荡 让人家不安

"都这么多年了, 怎么不找啊? 你... 不会是因为我吧?"

我又不脆弱 何况那算什麼伤

"这... 你在骗我吧?"

"我没有说谎 我何必说谎
你懂我的 我对你从来就不会假装
我哪有说谎 请别以为你有多难忘

转开话题, 他们谈起了这家餐厅. 女方提到了喜欢坐的桌子...

角落那窗口 闻得到玫瑰花香

"是吗? 你说过这是你在这餐厅里最喜欢的位子, 怎么就忘了呢?"

"我没有说谎 我何必说谎
你知道的 我缺点之一就是很健忘
我哪有说谎 是很感谢今晚的相伴

"你... 在说谎."

"我没有说谎 我何必说谎
爱一个人 没爱到难道就会怎麼样
别说我说谎 人生已经如此地艰难
有些事情 就不要拆穿"

"那... 我知道了, 只是..."
"这次约你是为了给你这个... 希望你到时能来参加"

他看了看喜帖, 对自己傻笑了一下, 深呼了一口气
"我没有说谎 是爱情说谎
它带你来 骗我说渴望的有可能有希望
我没有说谎 祝你做个幸福的新娘

说着说着, 他起身了, 离开了餐厅.

歌: 林宥嘉 - 说谎


这不是我的idea, 我第一次听对这首歌不太理解, MV更是不用说了. 是在校内上看到分享后明白的.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Some thoughts v 2.0

A lot of great things have been happening to friends these days.

Matt got a whole lot of options for his grad programs, Queens, Western, UofT, UBC.
Sanka finally got a job after hobo-ing in Vancouver for a while. Along the way proving himself right to his parents... (That or the fact that Vancouver doesn't have a lot of financial jobs, nevertheless)

It's great to see how they are moving on with their lives. Close friends all have some form of closure, some form of starting their journey.

I'm happy for them. :)

Recently just been tired.

Graphics was a lot more work than I bargained for. I had help from very very smart friends.

Other than that, well...

Friday, March 5, 2010




能在悲伤中看到快乐, 眼泪中看到祝福, 是一门难学难会的艺术.
如果当时就能, 那一定不是你的事情, 不是你的感受.

尽量吧, 不要对不起自己就ok了.

歌: 心墙 - 郭静

希望阿娘快点好起来... :)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

播放列表: 家

妈妈刚走不久. 做作业之余听歌, shuffle到了南拳妈妈的"家"... 虽然听不懂闽南话, 看着歌词, 让我想起小的时候.

1. 家 - 南拳妈妈
2. 离家不远 - 南拳妈妈
3. 家的名字 - 吴克群
4. 回家真好 - 刘德华

还有, 加上我自己觉得不错的, 但不是直接关于家的:
5. 外婆 - 周杰伦
6. 我想更懂你 - 潘玮柏&苏芮

那时我在网上看到"我想更懂你"这首歌的时候, 我还以为就是一般的男女对唱, 说什么之间的感情有距离啊等等的.

等到听了以后, 才知道这是一首妈妈与孩子之间的对话.


我对家的影响不是怎么的清晰. 小时候我还是寄宿幼儿园, 在家的时间更少了. 记得的, 大多是和阿娘(宁波人是这么叫"婆婆")的.

我最怀念的还是小时候在上海, 当时我六岁出的国, 离开了.
小时候回国每次都还住在原来的地方, 只是已经不是我以前记得的了. 每次回去, 总有些地方变了. 小区前有大门了, 有警卫了.
原来的后门还是对着同济大学的后门呢, 现在被封掉了. 好像说是太多人走近路, 影响小区居民.
本来有个熟食店在就在小区门口, 现在地方还在, 只是没有人了.

直到2001年妈买了新家, 搬离那里.

去年我在上海的时候, 下定决心要旧地重游. 7年了, 那里我7年没去了.

家的门口现在装了铁门, 以前都是随意进出的. 呵呵, 7年太晚了, 我们家02年被小偷闯入过. 也可能是为什么现在有铁门了.

小时候不像现在, 有那么多绿化, 妈妈和我说过, 她在楼下种了一颗橘子树. 好像没成功, 被拔掉了.

这是我记得的. 如果出去买东西, 玩耍, 都要经过这里.

封掉的那个后门. 现在变成回收站了. 本来还有一排商店呢, 都没了.


我这次运气好, 本来看到铁门, 灰心了, 不能进去"参观参观".
在往回走的时候遇到了我们家的老邻居, 我都叫他"小周叔叔". 还真的想不到他还是住在隔壁.

岁月是不饶人的, 人是这样, 房子也是这样.
至少在我能记起的东西里, 他们家没有变. 这... 不是好事. 我感叹, 心酸.

我在他们的房子里待了一会儿, 然后到阳台. 这是我记得的, 小时候一直是和小周叔叔的儿子玩耍的, 他在他的阳台, 我在我这边. 聊最新的"黑猫警长", "变形金刚", 玩一些游戏, 因为没有太多玩具, 凭的是想象, 两个4,5岁的小孩的想象. 听小周叔叔说他儿子现在还不错, 我已经好久没有看到他了, 在脑袋里的, 是他7岁的样子.

这次是我在望着我的阳台看, 我还能看到左边某个学校的足球场, 还能看到下面一楼搭的院子. 看不到的, 是4岁的我.

离开了小周叔叔的家, 我在走廊里拍了几张照片.

我家的门... Err, 让我解释. 隔壁在买下我们家后就把房间打通了, 所以没有必要有两扇门. 所以我们家以前的门... 现在是窗户.

这是在另一边的一家, 我记得的只是一个老太太... 现在已不建在了.

我记忆里的家, 少了绿化, 少了车辆, 在我记忆当中是带着浓浓的人情味.

我的阿娘. =)


写下的这些回忆, 还能让我笑起来.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

二, 领悟


现在想想, 还是旁观者容易当.

旁观者是理性的, 掌权的是逻辑
当事人是感性的, 掌权的是情绪


他有权利去选择, 去感受.

... 唉, 应该是我保持沉默的时候了.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

一, 梦醒时分

最近看朋友过的生活, 能让我想起以前的一些事. 但是不同的, 这次是以旁观者的身份, 自己感觉也不一样的.

作为旁观者, 我怎么就知道他一定能挺过去的. 在我看来, 这对他来说是一个过程, 当事情过了以后他会成长, 变成一个更好的人.

但是, 那时自己好像感觉伤痛是不会停止的, 不会挥散的.
现在想想, 当时是否朋友也如此认为我会好起来, 会成长.

生为旁观者, 都知道当事人会没事的, 只是当事人一点头绪都没有.

You can never see past the things that you're going through, but others around you see it so clearly.

我想, 是因为心里有某处, 不想放手, 还想再坚持什么.

但是当真的做到了, 事情就容易许多.


Friday, January 22, 2010


在我的iPod有许多老歌. 可能是妈妈小时候一直听的歌吧, 耳濡目染. 一听就感觉很熟悉, 很喜欢.

直到最近在找音乐的时候发现这音乐会的. 怎么里面好多的歌都是我听过的, 都是他写的啊... 大师还是大师啊

在这里我推荐一些我非常喜欢的歌, 加上一些我在里面听到喜欢的, 这些都是"当时"的"流行乐"哦.

1. 别怕我伤心 - 张信哲
2. 领悟 - 辛晓琪
3. 问 - 陈淑桦
4. 不必在乎我是谁 - 林忆莲
5. 明明白白我的心 - 陈淑桦&成龙
6. 当爱已成往事 - 林忆莲&李宗盛
7. 真心英雄 - 成龙&周华键&黄耀明&李宗盛
8. 梦醒时分 - 陈淑桦
9. 阴天 - 莫文蔚
10. 爱的代价 - 张艾嘉


Friday, January 8, 2010


一个人在一身中, 能遇到多少人.

在这些人当中, 又有多少能成为朋友.

在这些朋友里, 有多少能成为好朋友, 让你能与他们分享你的秘密, 心情, 你的喜怒哀乐, 悲欢离合.





Friday, January 1, 2010



你工作时不认真, 做功课时开小差.
你想过自己的方向, 自己的未来.

你闪躲, 你逃避.

你心痛, 也安慰朋友的心痛.


你哭, 你笑.



我不是一个写resolution的人. 有时候写了觉得是自己骗自己. 只要自己心里知道该怎么做就可以了.