每个人都有自己的故事，最近对此的感触特别深。
见到的每一个人，不管是路人还是朋友，心里都有自己的故事。都好像一本本沉重的书，记录生活当中的每时每刻。如果人们不述说，如果书不去读，我肯定是猜不透，想不到的。
每个人的脸上也有故事, 不管表情是疲倦，愤怒，妒忌还是微笑，我们不断用这些脸孔交换着对白...
眼泪，今天不是那么的顺利
笑容，肯定是好事
紧张，要加油哦
突然意识到我也出现在他们的故事里。对他们，我是路人,在他们的生活中，只出现了一小片刻...
虽然扮演的角色只是路人甲，但还是在他们的故事里留下了脚印。说不定以后，因为你的所作所为，他们还会记得你。
朋友的故事里，自己扮演的是配角。在他们身旁默默支持，鼓励，安慰，不断的塑造他们的人生，他们的故事...
只要以后怀念的时候, 能记得就足够了。
Every person has a story, story of what he/she is, though the story may not be as exciting or dramatic.
Remember it. Savor it. Most important of all, enjoy it, its yours.
Hey, tell it to your grandkids, except the dumb moments of course.
=)
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Prologue: Chapter 2
What do they call it? Winter Solstice (冬至) The longest night of the year...
My uncle died that day. According to my mum, its also the night that gravely sick people don't make it.
祷告良辰歌by陶喆
祷告之时甘甜之时
使我离开烦恼之事
来到神的座前发表
所有意愿所有需要
当我遇到重压忧愁
我灵却常得着自由
不陷恶者所有布置
因为有你祷告之时
祷告之时甘甜之时
如有只翼载我愿辞
来她宝座向她求恳
她是信实她是全真
她既命我寻求她面
信阿话语靠她恩典
我要将我重担卸释
在于你前甘甜之时
使我离开烦恼之事
来到神的座前发表
所有意愿所有需要
当我遇到重压忧愁
我灵却常得着自由
不陷恶者所有布置
因为有你祷告之时
祷告之时甘甜之时
如有只翼载我愿辞
来她宝座向她求恳
她是信实她是全真
她既命我寻求她面
信阿话语靠她恩典
我要将我重担卸释
在于你前甘甜之时
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Chapter 1
I would reckon that it is so hard to say whatever you feel, straight from your heart. I'm definitely not one of them. I wrote this after reading someone's blog:
Looking at someone else's life right now makes me feel like I'm looking at the reflection of myself, but more murderous and brutal. Looking at her life makes my life kiddish. Its weird how I could connect to someone that I don't even know, or talked to. It makes me want to get to know her. Or made me realize that behind the surface, there are things that she hides so deeply inside. Like me.
I don't talk to people about my parents, most people think they're happily married but working in two different countries. Only some of my closest friends know, and thats it. My mum doesn't want me to talk to people about these things. Its very uncommon in China I guess, and the year they did it makes it all seems one-of-a-kind.... in a bad way.
Some sparing memories remain, good times, bad times. When I was still small, our family would sleep together on the same bed and talk about things all night. Things changed, dad suddenly would not sleep on the same bed anymore, has his own in the dining room. He was moving up the corporate ladder, and moving away from mum and me. Then, things got out of hand. Quarrels, quarrels and more quarrels. Can't remember what they were arguing about...
Truth is, from the first day that my dad stepped out of the courtroom, he crouched down and looked at me, I turned away quickly. I do remember his image, fading into the crowd, while I looked on. It was black and white then, I hate my dad for doing the things that he did to mum. My mum lied to me about the divorce, that my dad didn't get what he wanted. I was happy, I was lied to, I was trapped in this false sense of security. I figured that if they didn't get divorced, they would have a chance to get back together.
It wasn't until two years later that out of anger/frustration to me that she broke the news. I wasn't particularly emotional, I was trying to get my mum to stop crying.
From when I was really small, my mum had said, "你看到妈妈哭的事候,你要安慰妈妈, 叫妈妈别哭". I've always kept it in my mind. Nowadays, I don't abide by it a lot. I hate myself for it. What I have become I do not know.
Still, there are other things that I don't understand, I don't say hate, because everything she does she does it for a reason. There were pros and cons. I didn't think of anything back then, I thought my mum always makes the perfect decision. In a sense she did, in what she thought of what I should be. She however, forgot what I want myself to be. I wished I had thought through about a lot of things, maybe now I won't have all these, in my words, regrets.
My dad didn't know that I didn't know about the divorce, so I guess that everything he did was to satisfy my wants, not needs. Computer games, shoes, playing at arcades. He didn't give me money, but he always tries to make me happy, even for just that one night. For he was the "rich man" who forgot his roots, according to mum. She would always be so unhappy whenever I'm with dad. After my first lone meeting with dad after the divorce, I got home and got questioned, every single detail. She just sat there, broke out in tears, while I look dumbfounded. I thought I did something wrong.
Around the time I entered high school, my dad tried to get me to get to know his wife or in a weird way, my step mum. My mum hated her, to mum, my step mum is a vile woman, that will do anything to snatch my dad away from her. "Why don't you just go with your dad and your stepmum?" Those are the words mum says everytime I messed up. I don't have a lot of contact with her, still, I'm on my mother's side on this one. I try to stay away. My dad tells me not to say anything about me meeting my mum. Still keeping the secret, there are a lot of things that you can't say. I guess he's trying to justify to me the reason why he left mum. To me, it doesn't matter too much. Whats gone is gone...
I kind of understand why they fell out. These two people simply don't match. Both are explosive people who doesn't want to compromise for each other, no matter how much both told me they did. Still, I wanted to tell my dad. "HEY, YOU PICKED HER. LIVE WITH IT." Too late for that one already huh? A man's responsibility is a man's responsibility. Now, my dad talks to me and we discuss more about what happened then. I deserve the whole story. My mum doesn't talk about it, I have to go the other way.
Once I knew that they were divorced, I told myself this one thing, this very important one thing. I told myself that I must not ever make a girl cry. Never ever. I had seen what my mum had gone through. This should never happen to any girl that I go out with.
Yet, it did. I still do not know how it will affect my life. Its a rough ride.
Even though my parents didn't work out, I always had high hopes for love. Maybe I'm too fantasied reading all the books and watching all the movies. I was always the shy guy in class, I didn't look as handsome as other guys in class. When it comes to relationships, I just give in. Had lots of crushes, but didn't act on them in any way or form. So chances keeps slipping and slipping, when I left Singapore, there were lots of regrets.... Lots.
In a way my parents' did affect my view of relationships, but I still do believe in 一见钟情. I try to block out everything that happened, why let something of the last generation disrupt my life in the current generation? Numbing the pain perhaps, too bad it doesn't work now... As my life keeps going, I remember more and more of my life, and more of the pains....
Its a weird day to post this entry, well I guess this would be the first chapter in my life.
Looking back at this 18 years... Its been a ride. Full of ups & downs. Happy & Sad. Excited & Angry. There were a lot of people that were along the way, helping me shape who I am today. My dad and my mum.... =)
From my dad:
给儿子的信
亲爱的儿子. 今天是你的十八岁的生日. 爸爸衷心祝贺你生日快了. 小宇十八岁了. 小宇长大了. 小宇要剃胡子了. 哈哈. 以前有一句话. 嘴上没毛. 办事不牢. 但现在这个观点要改了. 现在的十八岁与我们当时的十八岁是截然不能相比的. 我回想了我的十八岁. 那是一九七三年. 我刚刚进技工学校. 学的是钳工. 应该讲钳工是技术工种里最好的. 在过去的年代里也有这么一句话. 手上有一技之长. 打遍天下都不怕. 说真的这个技术即给了我人身的第一门技术. 也给了我后面的学习打下了基础. 因为我后面的大学里学的是机诫制造. 这个基础是非常重要的. 实际上我是非常希欢这个领域的. 就是我与你讲起过的. 做自己想做的事就能成功. 既是不成功. 也不后悔. 也不枉此一生. 其实我当时学钳工时. 你的爷爷最高心. 他是一个老钳工. 一个老技师. 一个受人尊敬的技术权威. 在他厂里是一个最受人尊敬的人. 每年春节就有好多他的徒弟徒孙们前来给他拜年. 当时你爷爷讲. 我有接班人了. 可是最让终身难忘的也是这一年. 我十八岁的那一年. 你爷爷因心肌梗死离我们而去了. 我在从学校赶往你爷爷的医院时还一直带著一把我的实习课的作业. 一把郎头. 遗憾的是最终他没能看到. 回想往事确实叫我们心酸. 但又使我们看到了这个时代的进步. 你的十八与我的十八是有天壤之别. 这就是进步. 就是社会的进步. 时代的进步. 我们的小宇长大了. 前面的十八确实很成功. 也很努力. 将来的你也一定会更成功. 记住我对你的做人的最基本要求. 祝你明天会更好.
爸爸
2006年11月21日
与德国得累斯顿
ps: http://zhenyu21.ebloggy.com
my high school blog....
Looking at someone else's life right now makes me feel like I'm looking at the reflection of myself, but more murderous and brutal. Looking at her life makes my life kiddish. Its weird how I could connect to someone that I don't even know, or talked to. It makes me want to get to know her. Or made me realize that behind the surface, there are things that she hides so deeply inside. Like me.
I don't talk to people about my parents, most people think they're happily married but working in two different countries. Only some of my closest friends know, and thats it. My mum doesn't want me to talk to people about these things. Its very uncommon in China I guess, and the year they did it makes it all seems one-of-a-kind.... in a bad way.
Some sparing memories remain, good times, bad times. When I was still small, our family would sleep together on the same bed and talk about things all night. Things changed, dad suddenly would not sleep on the same bed anymore, has his own in the dining room. He was moving up the corporate ladder, and moving away from mum and me. Then, things got out of hand. Quarrels, quarrels and more quarrels. Can't remember what they were arguing about...
Truth is, from the first day that my dad stepped out of the courtroom, he crouched down and looked at me, I turned away quickly. I do remember his image, fading into the crowd, while I looked on. It was black and white then, I hate my dad for doing the things that he did to mum. My mum lied to me about the divorce, that my dad didn't get what he wanted. I was happy, I was lied to, I was trapped in this false sense of security. I figured that if they didn't get divorced, they would have a chance to get back together.
It wasn't until two years later that out of anger/frustration to me that she broke the news. I wasn't particularly emotional, I was trying to get my mum to stop crying.
From when I was really small, my mum had said, "你看到妈妈哭的事候,你要安慰妈妈, 叫妈妈别哭". I've always kept it in my mind. Nowadays, I don't abide by it a lot. I hate myself for it. What I have become I do not know.
Still, there are other things that I don't understand, I don't say hate, because everything she does she does it for a reason. There were pros and cons. I didn't think of anything back then, I thought my mum always makes the perfect decision. In a sense she did, in what she thought of what I should be. She however, forgot what I want myself to be. I wished I had thought through about a lot of things, maybe now I won't have all these, in my words, regrets.
My dad didn't know that I didn't know about the divorce, so I guess that everything he did was to satisfy my wants, not needs. Computer games, shoes, playing at arcades. He didn't give me money, but he always tries to make me happy, even for just that one night. For he was the "rich man" who forgot his roots, according to mum. She would always be so unhappy whenever I'm with dad. After my first lone meeting with dad after the divorce, I got home and got questioned, every single detail. She just sat there, broke out in tears, while I look dumbfounded. I thought I did something wrong.
Around the time I entered high school, my dad tried to get me to get to know his wife or in a weird way, my step mum. My mum hated her, to mum, my step mum is a vile woman, that will do anything to snatch my dad away from her. "Why don't you just go with your dad and your stepmum?" Those are the words mum says everytime I messed up. I don't have a lot of contact with her, still, I'm on my mother's side on this one. I try to stay away. My dad tells me not to say anything about me meeting my mum. Still keeping the secret, there are a lot of things that you can't say. I guess he's trying to justify to me the reason why he left mum. To me, it doesn't matter too much. Whats gone is gone...
I kind of understand why they fell out. These two people simply don't match. Both are explosive people who doesn't want to compromise for each other, no matter how much both told me they did. Still, I wanted to tell my dad. "HEY, YOU PICKED HER. LIVE WITH IT." Too late for that one already huh? A man's responsibility is a man's responsibility. Now, my dad talks to me and we discuss more about what happened then. I deserve the whole story. My mum doesn't talk about it, I have to go the other way.
Once I knew that they were divorced, I told myself this one thing, this very important one thing. I told myself that I must not ever make a girl cry. Never ever. I had seen what my mum had gone through. This should never happen to any girl that I go out with.
Yet, it did. I still do not know how it will affect my life. Its a rough ride.
Even though my parents didn't work out, I always had high hopes for love. Maybe I'm too fantasied reading all the books and watching all the movies. I was always the shy guy in class, I didn't look as handsome as other guys in class. When it comes to relationships, I just give in. Had lots of crushes, but didn't act on them in any way or form. So chances keeps slipping and slipping, when I left Singapore, there were lots of regrets.... Lots.
In a way my parents' did affect my view of relationships, but I still do believe in 一见钟情. I try to block out everything that happened, why let something of the last generation disrupt my life in the current generation? Numbing the pain perhaps, too bad it doesn't work now... As my life keeps going, I remember more and more of my life, and more of the pains....
Its a weird day to post this entry, well I guess this would be the first chapter in my life.
Looking back at this 18 years... Its been a ride. Full of ups & downs. Happy & Sad. Excited & Angry. There were a lot of people that were along the way, helping me shape who I am today. My dad and my mum.... =)
From my dad:
给儿子的信
亲爱的儿子. 今天是你的十八岁的生日. 爸爸衷心祝贺你生日快了. 小宇十八岁了. 小宇长大了. 小宇要剃胡子了. 哈哈. 以前有一句话. 嘴上没毛. 办事不牢. 但现在这个观点要改了. 现在的十八岁与我们当时的十八岁是截然不能相比的. 我回想了我的十八岁. 那是一九七三年. 我刚刚进技工学校. 学的是钳工. 应该讲钳工是技术工种里最好的. 在过去的年代里也有这么一句话. 手上有一技之长. 打遍天下都不怕. 说真的这个技术即给了我人身的第一门技术. 也给了我后面的学习打下了基础. 因为我后面的大学里学的是机诫制造. 这个基础是非常重要的. 实际上我是非常希欢这个领域的. 就是我与你讲起过的. 做自己想做的事就能成功. 既是不成功. 也不后悔. 也不枉此一生. 其实我当时学钳工时. 你的爷爷最高心. 他是一个老钳工. 一个老技师. 一个受人尊敬的技术权威. 在他厂里是一个最受人尊敬的人. 每年春节就有好多他的徒弟徒孙们前来给他拜年. 当时你爷爷讲. 我有接班人了. 可是最让终身难忘的也是这一年. 我十八岁的那一年. 你爷爷因心肌梗死离我们而去了. 我在从学校赶往你爷爷的医院时还一直带著一把我的实习课的作业. 一把郎头. 遗憾的是最终他没能看到. 回想往事确实叫我们心酸. 但又使我们看到了这个时代的进步. 你的十八与我的十八是有天壤之别. 这就是进步. 就是社会的进步. 时代的进步. 我们的小宇长大了. 前面的十八确实很成功. 也很努力. 将来的你也一定会更成功. 记住我对你的做人的最基本要求. 祝你明天会更好.
爸爸
2006年11月21日
与德国得累斯顿
ps: http://zhenyu21.ebloggy.com
my high school blog....
Monday, October 16, 2006
末情
无底洞
有时寂寞太沉重
身边彷佛只是观众
你的感受没有人懂
难得谁自告奋勇
体 贴让人格外感动
爱上他前后用不到一分钟
嘿～回想恋情的内容
有谁想过有始有终
不过是一时脆弱让人放纵
嘿～
身边彷佛只是观众
你的感受没有人懂
难得谁自告奋勇
体 贴让人格外感动
爱上他前后用不到一分钟
嘿～回想恋情的内容
有谁想过有始有终
不过是一时脆弱让人放纵
嘿～
穿梭一段又另一段感情中
爱为何总填不满又掏不空
很快就风起云涌
人 类的心是个无底洞
尝试亲吻尝试拥抱或沟通
没有好感再尝试也没有用
大多数人都相同
喜欢的只是爱情的脸孔
没 有谁背后怂恿
不该爱又爱的冲动
是你害怕孤单而拼命补充
很快就风起云涌
人类的心是个无底洞
尝试亲吻尝试拥 抱或沟通
没有好感再尝试也没有用
大多数人都相同
喜欢的只是爱情的脸孔
说好了再做朋友. 但是我还是没用勇气做出第一步.
还是怕, 怕责怪, 怕面对自己, 怕看到你那悲伤的脸蛋.
曾以为爱情是持久的, 是永恒的.
想象的与感受的, 不同.
开始的时候是甜蜜的, 随时间慢慢变淡, 变酸, 变苦.
刚开始的那份爱情, 荡然无存, 无影无踪.
现在给我的是一种旧朋友的感觉.
有时候打个电话问候问候, 别的时候互不相识.
我. 还没准备好吧.
我始终希望我无意伤害的你, 能够摆脱悲伤.
第一步, 对我来说, 是那么的沉重.
再做朋友, 好吗?
阴天
阴天在不开灯的房间
当所有思绪都一点一点沉淀
爱情究竟是精神鸦片
还是世 纪末的无聊消遣
香烟氲成一滩光圈
和他的照片就摆在手边
傻傻两个人笑的多甜
开始总是分分钟都妙不可言
谁都 以为热情它永不会减
除了激情褪去后的那一点点倦
也许像谁说过的贪得无厌
活该应了谁说过的不知检点
总之那几年感性赢了理性 的那一面
阴天在不开灯的房间
当所有思绪都一点一点沉淀
爱恨情欲里的疑点盲点
当所有思绪都一点一点沉淀
爱情究竟是精神鸦片
还是世 纪末的无聊消遣
香烟氲成一滩光圈
和他的照片就摆在手边
傻傻两个人笑的多甜
开始总是分分钟都妙不可言
谁都 以为热情它永不会减
除了激情褪去后的那一点点倦
也许像谁说过的贪得无厌
活该应了谁说过的不知检点
总之那几年感性赢了理性 的那一面
阴天在不开灯的房间
当所有思绪都一点一点沉淀
爱恨情欲里的疑点盲点
呼之欲出那么明显
女孩通通让到一边
这歌里的细微末节就算都体验
若想真明 白真要好几年
回想那一天喧闹的喜宴
耳边响起的究竟是序曲或完结篇
感情不就是你情我愿
最好爱恨扯平两不相欠
感 情说穿了一人挣脱的一人去捡
男人大可不必百口莫辩
女人实在无须楚楚可怜
总之那几年你们两个没有缘
女孩通通让到一边
这歌里的细微末节就算都体验
若想真明 白真要好几年
回想那一天喧闹的喜宴
耳边响起的究竟是序曲或完结篇
感情不就是你情我愿
最好爱恨扯平两不相欠
感 情说穿了一人挣脱的一人去捡
男人大可不必百口莫辩
女人实在无须楚楚可怜
总之那几年你们两个没有缘
Sunday, August 13, 2006
爱情
You Took My Heart Away - Michael Learns To Rock
Staring at the moon so blue
Turning all my thoughts to you
I was without hope or dream
Try to dull an inner scream
But you . . . saw me through . . .
Walking on a path of air
See your faces everywhere
As you melt this heart of stone
You take my hand to guide me home and now I’m in love
You took my heart away
When my whole world was grey
You gave me everything and a little bit more
And when it’s cold at night
And you sleep by my side
You become the meaning of my life . . .
Living in a world so cold
You were there to warm my soul
You came to mend a broken heart
You gave my life a brand new start
And now . . . I ’m in love
You took my heart away
When my whole world was grey
You gave me everything and a little bit more
And when it’s cold at night
And you sleep by my side
You become the meaning of my life . . .
Holding your hands
I won’t fear tomorrow
Here where we stand
We never be alone
You took my heart away
When my whole world was grey
You gave me everything and a little bit more
And when it’s cold at night
And you sleep by my side
You become the meaning of my life . . .
You become the meaning of my life . . .
You become the meaning
You become the meaning of my life . . .
Turning all my thoughts to you
I was without hope or dream
Try to dull an inner scream
But you . . . saw me through . . .
Walking on a path of air
See your faces everywhere
As you melt this heart of stone
You take my hand to guide me home and now I’m in love
You took my heart away
When my whole world was grey
You gave me everything and a little bit more
And when it’s cold at night
And you sleep by my side
You become the meaning of my life . . .
Living in a world so cold
You were there to warm my soul
You came to mend a broken heart
You gave my life a brand new start
And now . . . I ’m in love
You took my heart away
When my whole world was grey
You gave me everything and a little bit more
And when it’s cold at night
And you sleep by my side
You become the meaning of my life . . .
Holding your hands
I won’t fear tomorrow
Here where we stand
We never be alone
You took my heart away
When my whole world was grey
You gave me everything and a little bit more
And when it’s cold at night
And you sleep by my side
You become the meaning of my life . . .
You become the meaning of my life . . .
You become the meaning
You become the meaning of my life . . .
I wished i could say how i feel right now, i just can't describe it.
Leaving, it used to be a simple thing for me. I pack up, then go.
This time, I feel as if i've left something behind, something i really treasure.
Not being able to be by her side makes me sad, not able to hold her close makes me somber.
Not being able to tell her my stories, not able to hear hers as well.
Not being able to walk side by side with her, instead all i have left is myself.
Not being able to tell her how much i love her, how much i miss her.
想你的365天 - 李玟
春风扬起你我的离别
夏雨打湿孤单的屋檐
秋叶飘落思念的红叶
冬雪转眼又是 一年
在想你的三百六十五天
听你我最爱的那首歌
泪总是一不小心翻涌微笑的脸
突然我感觉你没走远
夏雨打湿孤单的屋檐
秋叶飘落思念的红叶
冬雪转眼又是 一年
在想你的三百六十五天
听你我最爱的那首歌
泪总是一不小心翻涌微笑的脸
突然我感觉你没走远
怀里有你紧拥的温度
眼里有你微笑和痛哭
心里有你说过的故事
嗬... 梦里你在回家的路
在想你的三百六十五天
读你写来的每句安慰
爱圈住你我在同一个圆
你的冷热我能感觉
在想你的三百六 十五天
海我多想能看得更远
爱两颗心间不断的长线
我的喜悲都让你包围
怀里有你紧拥的温度
眼里有你微笑和痛哭
心 里有你说过的故事
嗬...梦里你在回家的路
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)