Convenience?

He has been with her for a long time.

He wonders if they were meant to continue.

He came from the East, and her from the West.
One grew up with cha-siu, the other pasta all the way.

They both made compromises to stay with each other.

Is it just convenience that they are together?

In passing amidst the conversation, he said: "I really like her".

"Don't you mean love?"

He stopped talking, looked directly at me, realizing what he just said.
Might have stopped breathing too.

Maybe it is pride, or insecurities, not being able to say the L word out loud.
Keeping the emotions in, keeping it in check.

He did not respond directly.

"I think you do. I got a good feeling about you two."

He exhales, and nods.

______

Shuffle has a way of finding songs from my library that I forgot. Today is one of those days, it played multiple songs from a while back that I added, thought they were great, but never really thought about it.

It has been a busy, tiring and frustrating week.

Dream

The recurring dream.

He wonders if it was lack of sleep that he has been experiencing.
Regardless, he wakes up around the same time every day. Too early.

It would always be in the same scenario. A housewarming, surrounded by family and friends, coworkers. Laughing.

It's peaceful, the afternoon sunset glows through the windows. It's pretty.

He wakes up with a smile on his face.

The peacefulness is fleeting.
His smile stops, he tries to go back to sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

.....

Amidst the party that was going on, sitting on their newly bought couch:
He asked
"Are you sure you want to get off the express train?
Even if you get off, there would be nothing but dessert.
Would you walk on dessert?"

"I will"

________


I need to find a time to watch The Farewell again.

65 of 88

I went to see The Farewell yesterday.

I first heard about this movie during the press tour of Crazy Rich Asians. Awkwafina was expressing that the Asian representation in Hollywood movies was growing, and that she was starring in a more personal story.

If you did click through the trailer, you'll have the gist of what this story is. Whether or not you relate to it personally is of course a separate discussion.

For me well, it was hard to sit through sometimes. It was ... too real.

The story did not answer whether or not the lie was good, but instead focused on everybody's reaction and action to it. The answer ultimately is up to you. Is it good to keep a lie going for the sake of them being happy? Or should the person know and prepare for the eventuality? I'm not going to spoil the ending, but it did go one way over the other.

There was one part that stood out to me, and part of it is in the trailer. The difference between East and West.

What was not in the trailer... the idea that telling her will just shift the guilt and responsibility to Grandma, that she is now facing her own mortality. A lot of Asian families will choose to carry that guilt as a whole, preferring not to tell Grandma, and shoulder the responsibility together as a unit.

There is a saying in Chinese 报喜不报忧. Loosely translates to "report happiness but not sorrow". You can not only see that in this movie as a whole to grandma, but even little things. Even as the main character's failing in life, she doesn't tell Dad that things are not going well, she can't afford the rent.

The subsequent viewings gave me some more perspective. Actually I noticed an interesting dichotomy in the audience. There is a set of people who would take a particular scene at face value, and laugh at the awkwardness of the situation. The other set would initially chuckle, but quickly quiet down. It seemed to me that the second group of people understand that while the situation looks ridiculous, they did find some particular point of connection.

If it is not abundantly clear haha, I highly recommend people to see it.

In any case that you don't intend to see the movie but are interested to know what happens.
This is the episode of This American Life where writer and director of "The Farewell" Lulu Wang recounts the actual story:
https://www.thisamericanlife.org/585/in-defense-of-ignorance

________

Love 爱. Family 家庭. Responsibility 责任. Conviction 执着.

I did not know when responsibility came around.
I was driven, blindly. I missed a lot of things, I glossed over a lot of things.

It is apt then, when I did open today's piece of paper:

65:
"Building blocks of Andy's Life"

- "Family"


Damn it. Got me again.

Lemon

我比较喜欢用中文来解读日文歌词，我觉得更能捕捉歌词的意义。

あの日の悲しみさえ　あの日の苦しみさえ
那日的悲伤 与那日的痛苦
そのすべてを愛してた　あなたとともに
连同深爱着这一切的你
胸に残り離れない　苦いレモンの匂い
化作了深深烙印在我心中的 苦涩柠檬的香气
雨が降り止むまでは帰れない
在雨过天晴前都无法归去
今でもあなたはわたしの光
时至今日 你仍是我的光芒

Cast Away

Oldie but a goodie.

I really like this movie.
To put it in its straightest of terms, this is a story about survival. Of a man trying to survive.

Through the movie, he survives, he perseveres on the island, beating the odds.

The loneliness, the bleakness, knowing the probability of being rescued gets closer and closer to zero.

HELP being written in the sand, and being washed away, and then the resourcefulness of it all. Figuring out the fire, the tides. Burying his washed up co-pilot. Using the ice skates as axe blades, reusing coconut containers for water storage.

Every night, he looks at the picture of Kelly in her family watch.
Every day, he fights against the elements.

Until this becomes the norm.
He has Wilson, the best rubber ducky pair you could ever ask for.
But Wilson is not the reason for his will to survive? Nobody is going to live for a volleyball.
It had always been Kelly, she was his drive, she was his goal, she was his survival.

Four years. Four years is a long time.

He makes it back, and everything has moved on from him.
He can't sleep in the bed, he needs to sleep on the ground, where he's the most comfortable for the last 4 years.

Kelly, the person that he has been surviving for, moved on. It is not anyone's fault, just as the movie says, she had to. The chances of coming back were close to zero.

He went back and gave her the watch, it was the only reason he would want to meet up anymore. He did get his car back though... not before saying sorry to each other.

"I never should have gotten on that plane. I never should have gotten out of that car."

The rest... I'll let the clips do the talking.





I admit. This got me good.

Conviction is a more directed version of stubbornness.