Saturday, June 27, 2020


Dear ____,

This is a letter that I want to send to you. 
I'm not sending it to you because I do not want to engage with you more, or make you feel anything otherwise. Your words when we last spoke on the park bench rings in my head like a bell, constantly ringing... ringing... ringing.

There was something I wanted to recommend you called "Modern Love" on Amazon Prime. I just find it written so... well, so real. I just don't know if you are into things like a romantic drama or not. Maybe you do and just put on a strong face for it. You're a mystery in that sense, always with the thriller and horror recommendations. The closest to a romantic comedy would be The Farewell. I'm glad to hear the Q&A with the director.

I'm writing this letter because I think about you more than I want to. With the world being a crazy place now... I find myself wondering how you are doing. Yet, the chats don't really amount to anything. In that case, why start the conversation at all.

Truth be told, everything is a selfish decision. I'm phasing you out of my life, so I don't think about you. This is an one sided decision.

I look at this as a failure, I'm a fighter for sure. Yet in something like this, I find myself unable to convince even myself why and how to fight. I can't convince myself that this is going to work. Those bells are ringing again. It was a sure 100% done deal... and then there's me.

Still, never expected us to connect in a the way that we did, the one thing I did think about was that I wasn't putting up a front, like there was no filter for me. That... was strange for me.

I remember when you found a new job, I was really happy. Even after I found out you essentially had an internal recommendation. Congratulations were in order. It wasn't until the final elevator lobby that I had the strongest sense of dread. Nevertheless, I held back.

I am suddenly... at a loss for words.

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